Lost In Plains (Archeage: Tales of Erenor kısa öykü yarışmasından.)


Öncelikle bana tavsiye edildiği gibi küçük bir not düşmek istedim. Bu kısa öykü; yaklaşık 5 senedir dahil olduğum bir MMO oyunu olan Archeage’in içeriği üzerine, oyununun Avrupa ve Amerika yayıncısının düzenlediği bir kısa öykü yarışmasına (Tales of Erenor: An AA Community Challenge) katılmak için yazdığım bir öykü.

Aslında çok daha uzun ve detaylıydı. Ancak ben yarışmadaki 1500 kelime kuralına uyabilmek için baya bir kısaltmak zorunda kaldım. Ne yazık ki ilk üç sıraya giremedim ama bana oyun içerisinde ufak bir şeyler kazandırdı. Yalnız tabii ki de oradan yazımı geliştirebileceğim herhangi bir eleştiri yahut yorum alamadım. Ben de bu eksikliği öyküyü Kayıp Rıhtım okuyucularına sunarak giderebilme şansımı denemek istedim. Okumak için zaman ayıranlara şimdiden teşekkürler.

Gerekli mi emin olamadım ama 2 ufak not daha; Haranya ve Nuia birbirlerine düşman iki millet ve Firran ırkı da (World of Warcraft’taki yarı kurt, yarı insan Worgen’lar gibi) yarı insan, yarı kedigil bir ırk.

Lost In Plains

The fertile plains of Halcyona, usually alive with the golden glow of the vast wheat fields spread all over the region, were now suffering the grim aftermath of war. The golden color of the fields was now lost to patches of red everywhere, the blood that had been shed during the battle, drying under the heat of morning sun. Fresh smell of soil and soft wind was now replaced with the putrid smell of sweat and carcass. Not much, only half a day had been enough for the two nations to turn the plains into a field of bleeding bodies.

The only ones who dared to walk into this carnage were the small groups of Nuian and Haranyan soldiers who were looking for their wounded. Amongst the countless bodies lying under their feet, they looked for any sign of life. Most of the wounded gave out their last breath during the carrying process due to the infection spead from the bodies decaying under the hot summer sun. However, the price this battle cost to the both sides was too much. They had to save whomever they could.

It was during another of those search for the wounded that Asya suddenly opened her eyes with a panicking feeling of suffocation. When she tried to breathe, she coughed up dust and blood. Her head throbbed with pain and oddly, even after she managed to breathe and slow down her panicking heart, she couldnt feel the rest of her body. Her ears still had to be in good condition though, as they quickly perked at the sound of footsteps and low murmuring . Her heart skipped a beat with joy when she looked up and saw the soldiers with Haranyan banner. But…no! No, no, no! They seemed to be getting back on their mounts to leave. ‘No, please!’ Asya wanted to yell at them. Yet, her throat was so dry and painful that barely any voice escaped it. ‘Please!’ she wanted to yell ‘Come back!’. All she could do, again, was to let out a muffled cough. As the Haranyan soldiers slowly left her eyesight, the severely wounded firran tried to get up hoping to run after them. Yet, no matter how hard she grunted with the effort, not only a sharp pain hit her whole body nailing her to the ground, but also the pressure of an unknown weight on her back made it impossible for her to do so.

The soldiers left the battle-scarred field without realising she was lying down there, wounded but alive. Overcome with dread and pain, she started to cry. Her silent mourn lasted for hours until she fell asleep out of exaustion. Then, she opened her eyes into the darkness of night. It was another sound her ears caught that woke her up; hooves moving slowly and people whispering. Asya tried to make a sound again, any sound, as this could be her last chance before her body gave up and her soul started its journey to the Hereafter. Before she could do anything though, she saw blinding light being held at her. For the love of the wind god! She was found!

“Sir.” the deep voice of a man half shouted, trying not to be too loud. “I found one.” Asya’s heart sank with disappointment and fear when she recognized the Nuian language. The light came so close that she had difficulty keeping her eyes open. She listened without letting even tiniest bit of breath escaping her. Maybe they would just leave if they thought she was dead. The hooves stopped right at her side as a second voice whispered “The fur?”. The Nuian soldier kicked the weight on her back off her and Asya saw the body of an Elf roll over. She recognized him immediately, fighting that elf was the last thing she remembered. Nuians speaking again snapped her out of the short memory. “It’s hard to tell, sir. There’s blood everywhere.”

The other Nuian jumped off his Lilyut Horse and kneeled down to check her out. Asya felt a finger on her arm “Here you can see. Gray fur with black spots.” Then, she felt it on her throat. “Sir!” the soldier spoke with excitement. “She is even alive, sir!” At that moment, another agonizing wave of dissapointment hit Asya. "Help me cover and tie her on my horse."the second voice ordered. “Then go quickly and make a wagon ready in Solisa.”

It was a rough and painful ride, with her body covered with leather and tied up tightly. Even though her body was weak with severe wounds, Asya tried to get free of the Nuian soldiers’ grasp, yet a hit to the head drifted her into unconsciousnes.

Next time she opened her eyes, it was dark again. It was no darkness of night this time. The more she blinked, the more of the sight sank in. Torches enlighted a narrow corridor beyond the iron bars of the cell she was in. She squaked with surprise upon finally seeing the man sitting on a chair behind those bars. “You’re finally awake” the man said with Haranyan dialect. The impatience in his voice was unmistakeable. “Feeling better?” . Asya had realised that her wounds were tended to and the blood was washed off her fur. Utterly confused, not knowing why any Nuian would do that, she nodded slightly. “Can you speak?” the man asked. Blonde hair fell over his blue eyes and a thick scar moved on his cheek as he spoke with impatience. Asya didn’t think he looked familiar. She was too distressed to care as she wondered when they would start to torture information out of her.

“Good Nui! What have you done again?!”

The furious voice of a woman filled the corridor, making Asya jump with fear. The man only stood up in silence to face the person approaching. As light from the torches illuminated her, anger and annoyance could be read on her young adult features. “;Got a firran again, ha?!” she took a deep breath “Seriously, Orien! I didn’t want to believe when they said you found another but…!”

“My dear sister…” the young man protested “…you don’t understand.” To Asya’s surprise, he sounded at the verge of an emotional breakdown. The woman looked stern. “Oh?! There are things i dont think you understand either! We signed a ceasefire with Haranyans! What do you think would happen if the Harani found out you kept kidnapping more of their cats! Even from the battlefield! Even by using the sources of our family! You put everything under great risk. We are in no condition to hold another conflict in Halcyona with the remaning forces!”

The man seemed to be more disturbed with every word she spat at him. “ENOUGH!” he exclaimed with anger and despair. “You think i care about your stupid war?! Hell, i dont! Not anymore.” The woman looked like she had a lot to yell at him. She didnt, though, just watching with indignant eyes as her brother held a picture at the firran. “You know this woman?” Asya looked at the picture. It was the portrait of a Harani girl, obviously painted by a very skilled artist as she didnt need to look twice to recognize her. Yet she was torn between giving the Nuian the answer he needed or not letting these enemies of her nation to get anything out of her.

“Answer me, you dumb beast!”

Orien didnt seem to have the patience for his prisoner’s silence. He jumped at the bars trying to grab her, making the firran jump backwards with fear again. His hands angrily grabbed the air. “Answer me! Or i swear to Nui, i’ll skin that pelt of yours alive!”

His sister scoffed behind him. “All the madness you put us through…for a Harani commoner.”

“;Shut up!”

Now, he truly looked at the edge of mental breakdown. “Where’s my Asha?” he demanded , holding the picture with shaking hands. Then, Asya began to understand. She nodded slowly. “We were close as sisters.” But Orien already knew that, didnt he? That was why he took the risk of kidnapping Asya, and many other female Firrans with gray and spotted fur, to his family estate in Marianople.

His face was brightened with childish glee upon hearing her answer. He was Orien Wyrdwind , son of a Nuian nobleman. The long lost lover of her Harani friend. “Where’s she?” he begged. Asya had to swallow the lump in her throat, feeling grief over the memory. The Nuian’s face fell when he saw the tears sprouting in the firran’s large, brown eyes. “She came to me one day. Said her life had no meaning, no purpose after you abandoned her. She signed up for the army leaving for the Golden Plains. We fought together. Side by side…until…”

“Until what!”

Now anger glittering in her feline eyes, Asya stared directly at his face for the first time.

“Until she was slain by one of your soldiers…mercilessly.”

The End


Ben bu cümleye bayıldım. Türkçe olsa yine bayılırdım :smile: Basit gibi görünen ayrıntılar hikâyeyi okurun gözünde çok daha iyi canlandırıyor.

Öncelikle belirtmeliyim ki akademik okumalar dışında en fazla on tane İngilizce kurgu okudum (Bunların yedisi Harry Potter serisine dahil olduğu için onu tek kitap da sayabilirsiniz :sweat_smile: ), dolayısıyla Türkçe bir öyküyü yorumladığım kadar net yorum yapabileceğimi sanmıyorum.

İlk iki paragraf bize savaş ve bu savaşın tarafları hakkında bilgi veriyor. Ben okur olarak öykülerin bilgiyle başlamasını sevmiyorum, kurgu havasını baltalıyor gibi geliyor bana. Ama bu bir yarışma için yazıldığından, bu kısmı yazmak zorunda kalmış olabilirsiniz. Özgürce yazdığınız bir hikâye olsaydı bence doğrudan üçüncü paragraftan başlaması çok daha hoş ve gizemli olurdu.

Ben kendi bilgim dahilinde, İngilizce’ye oldukça yetkin olduğunuzu görüyorum. Özellikle “To his/her surprise” gibi kalıplar yalnızca İngilizce’yi bilen değil, bu dilde okuma yapmış olanların bileceği şeyler; tabi anadili İngilizce değilse.

Özellikle üçüncü paragraftaki anlatımı çok sevdim. Asya’nın çaresizliği ve korkusu çok yalın ve içten anlatılmış. Hikâyenin gidişatı ve sonda bağlandığı yer de çok güzeldi, tam heyecanlı bir noktaya gelince bitti ki bu tarz bitişleri çok severim :slight_smile:

Öykü değil de fantastik bir romanın giriş kısmı gibi hissettirdi bana. Dilinizi, kurgunuzu, anlatımınızı çok beğendim. Başka İngilizce öykü yazarsanız onları da okumak isterim.

Elinize sağlık.

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